So on NYE’s, I was stood up by my boyfriend. It wasn’t a date, it was a guy I was in a full-blown committed relationship and had been for nearly 7 months! To say I was shocked, confused and heartbroken was an understatement. I will never probably know or understand his reasons for not turning up that night, but maybe sometimes we don’t need to know…sometimes we just need to know the past is the past and move on by concentrating on the present and looking forward to the future.
Over the last 3 weeks, there have been many highs and lows but these are the lessons I’ve learned:
The most important relationship we have is with ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves we will not be loved in a relationship. We need to learn to enjoy spending time in our own company. A great way of increasing your self-love is repeating as many times a day in your head ‘I love myself, I love myself’. Even if at first you do not fully believe it, it will help to subconsciously move to a better place. Eventually, you will start believing and it will have a wonderfully positive impact on your energy and outlook. Do not be dependent on anyone else for love. You will never need anyone else in your life if you love yourself. Any relationship will, therefore, be a bonus, not something you rely on. You can read more about this technique in Kamal Ravikant’s book ‘Love yourself like your life depends on it’.
Even if it is just 5 mins a day. Just sit somewhere comfy, close your eyes and pay attention to your breathing. If thoughts pop in your head just acknowledge them but then imagine them floating away like a cloud. There are great guided meditation apps on youtube, Spotify or apps. My favourite app is Buddhify.
Try to forgive yourself, your ex and everyone else from your past that may be affecting current relationships. Learn from your mistakes but do not dwell on them.
Plan things to look forward to. I think it is important to enjoy spending time on your own but also this is a great time to try some new experiences — a comedy show, a new small bar, some self-development workshops, indulging in some new books, having friends round for dinner, etc. The list can go on but just some things that make you feel good. Either on your own or with friends. I have booked myself on a meditation retreat, booked a channeling workshop, booked myself in to do my Reiki Level 1 training. It has given me some things to look forward to rather than dwelling on being single again! Do things you love. Try to do something creative too.
Surround yourself with positivity
Spend time with positive people — surrounding yourself with positive influences will make you feel happier and more content. Also, make your surrounding positive — use this as an opportunity to declutter. Not only declutter your head and heart but declutter your home. Make space for yourself to grow into. Get rid of items that do not make you feel happy. Sell stuff to pay fora holiday. Give stuff to charity.
Don’t self-medicate with alcohol or drugs — you may think it will give temporary relief but ultimately it isn’t going to help. It also makes you a lot more susceptible to texting that ex!!!
Learn about manifesting
Have faith that the universe has your back — be patient and everything will work out. Unblock things that may be holding you back. All experiences are lessons. To delve deeper into manifestation you can check our people like Gabby Bernstein or Lacy Philips.
Take one day at a time.
You might have a great day then you might have a very down day — just look after yourself and know that each day will be different but with time they will improve.
Even if it is just a walk or a little bit of stretching. Something to get the body moving and get rid of the tension. Also getting out into nature and seeing the beauty that surrounds us will make you feel better.
Try shifting your energy
Go for a Reiki session or work on improving your energy yourself. You can do this simply by imagining your body surrounded by a golden light, this golden light is radiating from you, no one can take this energy — it is all yours. Do this as you are repeating ‘I love myself, I love myself’. Also, smile! Such a simple thing as smiling can shift that negative energy to positive.
Cutting the cord exercise
If you still feel energetically connected to your ex complete a cord-cutting exercise. This worked so well for me! Light a candle and take some deep breaths. Then say out loud ‘I allow myself to feel the cord between [ex-name] and myself.’ Imagine visualising your ex and yourself connected by these cords of energy. Think about their colour and size and if they are connected to certain chakras. Visualise some large gold scissors and you are going to use these to cut these cords. While you visualise this say out loud ‘I am cutting the cord between [Ex-name] and me. Another thing you can do is instead of cutting the cords — you can pull the cords away from your ex towards yourself so you are taking your energy back. You can then imagine a zip in your body and zipping to all of this energy into your body. You are now not connected to your ex. For ultimate success so this for a week or more.
Cry if you need to
If you feel upset — cry. Don’t bottle up the emotions. But get real too, we have a habit of dwelling on all the positive when a relationship ends but sometimes it will help to think were they the actual right person for you anyway? Write a list of the traits you want in a future partner — did the ex match up? In most cases, this will probably you realise that no matter how much you loved your ex something was missing that you want. Realise that everyone is brought into your life for a reason and no matter how much it is hurting now — this experience will teach you so many lessons for the next relationship.
I know everyone tells people to practice gratitude but it really can shift your mind from seeing all the negative and feeling sorry for yourself, to going wow I may be hurting at the minute but I have so much to be thankful for in my life. Try once a day to write 3 things you are grateful for. It could be tiny things like the coffee you are drinking or big things like the love you receive from your family, or your children, etc.
Ultimately heartache is a great opportunity for self-improvement. I’m learning something new every day so just try to embrace the journey and see this as a great opportunity for self-growth.