I’ve been struggling with my mood for the last couple of weeks. I’ve had a cold which led to a chest infection, which led to antibiotics, which led to stomach issues. Team this with tension at work, a boyfriend with a new job, a not that healthy bank account and a few too many large glasses of red wine (too often), has led me to feel a bit burnt out.
Last night I cried to my boyfriend saying that I hadn’t had any fun for ages — this is not true, I have fun every day, I’m a joker and the class (work) clown. I try to laugh as much as possible; the truth is I was just feeling sorry for myself. And to make it worse he had had a bad day and he felt like I was attacking him from the moment I saw him. This wasn’t true I was just trying to verbalise what was on my mind which I have to admit I did not do a good job of. I felt so bad that I wasn’t there for him when he obviously needed me, but the truth was I needed someone too!
As a single mum and a self-confessed ‘people pleaser’, I often feel that I’m always looking after people but no-one ever looks after me. I then get woeful. This morning I woke up thinking:
“get a grip, you are the master of your own destiny, RESET your thinking, start the mind-clock again.”
…you don’t need your boyfriend or friends or family to make you happy — you just need yourself. And it is the simple things which can make a difference in your attitude and outlook. So I decided to do a ‘reset’. I looked in the mirror and decided to mix up my routine that morning. This is what I did:
- I put a different colour eye shadow on and added some eyeliner! I know this sounds like something so insignificant but I wear the same makeup every day, so even just changing my eyeshadow colour and adding some eyeliner meant I was doing something different, and I looked different. It was symbolic of a ‘new me’.
- I took myself off for a bacon butty (one of the best bacon butties you will find in the World) and coffee. This was something selfish for me and just pure pleasure of having 10 minutes of self-indulgence. I sat and savoured each bite, appreciating the food and wonderful taste.
- While I was driving I started observing. I looked around, I looked for new things, things I would not normally notice. Taking notice of what was happening around me, not just driving. This is what I saw — a giant hoover in a shop window, a woman brushing her hair in the reflection of a window, a multicultural radio station in a random building, a young girl helping an older lady, a person smiling.
- I started thinking of all the things I’m grateful for: my gorgeous son, my sexy and funny boyfriend, all my friends who I love dearly, my family that are thousands of miles away from me physically but are still so close to my heart, my ability to work and earn, my ability to laugh and enjoy the little things, coffee, books, music, red wine and cuddles.
And you know what … I instantly feel more positive and looking forward to the weekend ahead spending it with the people I love and cherish. Just a little reset, a little change in routine can really make a positive difference.